A blog about sports, life, and all things falling somewhere in the middle on the scale of one to Gus Johnson.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Michael Phelps is a douche…and other thoughts

> I don’t think I’m alone in thinking that watching Michael Phelps dominate the Olympics last year was one of the most amazing things I have seen in sports. I enjoyed every minute of his historic run. It’s inspiring to see someone so dedicated to their craft, especially a fellow American, succeed the way he did. I guess it’s too bad he’s a weak-minded fool who can’t seem to handle the fame and exposure that comes with being a star like he is.

Watching his slow and steady fall from grace has made me appreciate a guy like LeBron James. LeBron’s been under a microscope since he was a sophomore in high school. Even back then, I remember being impressed with how poised he seemed when giving interviews. The kid always seemed to say the exact right thing. At the time, it was hard not to think that it was only a matter of time before the guy let all the fame get to his head, and he went out and did something stupid. But, other than the thing where his mom made news for taking out a loan to buy him a Hummer, LeBron’s pretty much stayed controversy free. (We won’t get into the whole “crab dribble” thing).

Okay, maybe LeBron isn’t the best comparison for Phelps. First off, basketball and swimming aren’t necessarily analogous sports. But, more importantly, LeBron seems like the type of guy who has never had a problem with…how should I say this…being a complete dork. Something tells me LeBron’s never lacked for confidence, even as a youngin. But, Phelps? Please. With those big ears and the weird way he talks, it’s not hard to imagine him being a bit of a social outcast as a kid. We were inundated with stories during the Olympics about how his mom used to worry about him, because other kids were constantly picking on him. The moral of those stories was supposed to be the whole, “yeah, but look at him now” sort of thing. But, I guess the real moral should have been that this dude has never, ever been the coolest guy in the room. He was a dork, plain and simple.

So, maybe Tiger Woods is a better example. Yeah, Tiger’s been dominating golf for over a decade, and he’s probably one of the most recognizable people on the planet. So, people may forget that he used to be kind of a nerd. The kid went to Stanford, for crying out loud. Any non-nerds from Stanford? Not likely. Anyway, the point is that when Tiger was first coming up in golf, he was forced to go through the transition from huge dork to huge dork everyone in the room wanted to talk to. I remember hearing stories about Tiger partying with Fred Savage and Chelsea Clinton while he was in college. But, nothing salacious ever came out of that. And he’s been pretty controversy free since he turned pro. He’s handled his transition to uber-stardom with about as much class as possible. Too bad Phelps couldn’t have done the same.

I guess what I’m saying is that I don’t think people appreciate guys like LeBron and Tiger for just not being total douches. I suppose an argument could be made that because LeBron and Tiger are black, they have to keep their image squeaky clean, whereas Phelps will be given much more slack as the “all-American” white kid. I don’t really feel like getting into that though. I’d rather just appreciate LeBron James and Tiger Woods for being the best at what they do, and not being assholes about it.

While we’re on the subject of people not getting the appreciation they deserve, anyone see what happened to the Hornets last night once Chris Paul got hurt? He left the game with like 2:50 left in the 3rd Quarter (and already had 13 assists), and the Hornets were outscored 42-17 the rest of the game. They ended up blowing a 17 point lead. Yeah, LeBron’s great, and so is Kobe, but I don’t know how there can be an argument about which player is more valuable to their team than Chris Paul. This guy IS the Hornets. I hope he’s not hurt for long.

And, speaking of Kobe, I got an interesting email from my brother this morning, I thought I’d share:

“Can you please blog about the fact that everybody has forgotten that Kobe is an analrapist? I mean, 4 years after OJ was acquitted of murder he wasn't doing Hertz commercials and reprising Detective Nordberg in Naked Gun 187 and 7/8! Kobe's defense wasn't that he didn't do her in the dirtstar, it was that he didn't forcibly do her up the browneye (couldn't decide which reference I liked better). But I guess you get a free pass by jumping over fake Aston Martins, hilariously riding horses in commercials, and lighting up a run-and-gun Knicks team. (Even though Gasol arguably had the better complete game with 34,14,5). Anyway, I guess we're just too far removed from The Black Mamba shamelessly buying his wife back for $4M and starting the chain of events that led to Shaq's divorce (don't you think she heard the media reports of Kobe's claims of Shaq's infidelity and started hiding money?)

So due to my anger on the subject, on a scale of 1 to Gus Johnson, I'd rate this a Stephen A. Smith.”
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Sunday, February 1, 2009

Home Cooking

> Does anyone else find it mildly strange that more and more networks are using hometown players to call games? Today alone I've heard Greg Kelser on Michigan State, Kendall Gill on Illinois, and Mike Gminski on Duke. Um ... I know that objective journalism and sports journalism don't exactly go hand in hand, but is it really a great idea to have the team's former stars calling their nationally-televised games?On a scale of one to Gus Johnson, I'd give this post a Bill Walton. Read full post...

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Happy About Things In Happy Valley?

> I’m in a bit of a conundrum that probably happens to most sports fans. I want my team to fire its coach, but suddenly they’ve started winning. Now, I don’t know whether to root for my team and suck it up and deal with a crappy coach or be disappointed that my team is winning. Since I’m an Eagles fan, one might assume I’m whining about Andy Reid, but the Eagles just made the NFC Championship and I’m well aware that no one wants to hear a fan complain about a team that’s been in the conference title game five of the past eight years. Instead, I intend to whine about Penn State basketball. That’s right. Penn State actually has a basketball program. Who knew?
Penn State made the NCAA tournament twice under former coach (and current John Belein lackey) Jerry Dunn, during his first season in 1996 and again in 2001. In 2001, my alma mater (during my freshman year) improbably beat UNC in the second round of the NCAA tournament and advanced to the Sweet Sixteen where they promptly got spanked by the 11th seeded Temple Owls. Rioting ensued. No, seriously. There were riots. I was there.
In his 8 years at Penn State, Dunn went 117-121, which is … not so good. Dunn was deservedly fired after consecutive 7-21 seasons. Then Penn State did something inconceivable. They hired Ed DeChellis.
In 8 years, Dunn had only three losing seasons, making the NIT three times. His teams also routinely had players that edged onto the All-Big Ten team, such as Dan Earl, Jarrett Stephens, Calvin Booth, and John (I will not make a joke here) Amaechi. Remarkably since Dunn got canned, I’ve missed this era.
Many high profile coaches expressed interest in the Penn State job, among them Tim Floyd, Steve Lavin, and Steve Wojociechowski. Instead, Penn State hired DeChellis, a man who in seven seasons guided East Tennessee State to one NCAA tournament appearance and a 105-93 record. Woohoo! DeChellis!
Instead of upgrading their coaching staff, Penn State went safe. They hired a sub-mediocre coach from a nothing program who had middling-at-best success. DeChellis, though, is an alum. No matter how good (or bad or mediocre or whatever) Penn State gets under him, DeChellis will never leave. Coaching in Happy Valley is Ed DeChellis’ dream job. Ugh.
We are now in year six of the grand DeChellis experiment. Going into this year, it had worked out pretty much exactly as I had predicted. Through five years, Penn State was 56-91 under DeChellis. Twice they had won 15 games, with DeChellis’ high water mark being a 15-15 record in 2006, which ended with a first-round NIT loss to Rutgers.
So I was kind of optimistic going into this season. Did I think this was the year Big Ed would turn it all around? Hell no. I thought finally we’d toss this numbskull aside and attempt to return to the relative glory of the mediocre Dunn years. Instead, it’s late January and Penn State is 15-5 overall and currently tied for fourth in the Big Ten with a winning conference record. Holy crap.
If Penn State beats Iowa at home tonight, they will have set a single season win record under DeChellis and it’s January 24. According to stats guru Ken Pomeroy, Penn State is going to go 19-12 and 8-10 in the Big Ten this season. Since we aren’t Duke or UCLA, this is actually cause for joy. 19-12???? We might play in the postseason! We might actually win a Big Ten tournament game!
So now here I sit, killing time until the Penn State game starts (hooray for the Big Ten Network, home of none other than Gus Johnson), and it’s slowly dawning on me that Ed DeChellis is not going to get fired this year. Should I be excited? Is Eddie turning this program around? Should I be depressed? Is this only going to lead to the inevitable eight-win season next year?
I have no idea how to feel about this. I love my alma mater and I’m excited every time they win, but I just can’t shake the feeling that in a year or two I’m going to regret that this season ever happened.
On a scale of one to Gus Johnson, I’d give this post a Dave Revsine.
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Friday, January 16, 2009

New Kobe Commercial

> It's kind of funny the path Kobe Bryant's career has taken. He started out as one of the great players in the NBA, but nobody liked him. Then the whole alleged rape/cheated on his wife/bought wife $8 billion ring thing happened, and he was a great player everyone hated. He did the smart thing and laid low for a while. But, over the last couple of years, he's made a public image resurgence. He wins himself a gold medal and jumps over an Aston Martin on youtube, and suddenly even self-professed Laker haters like me think he's alright. Anyway, in case you haven't seen Kobe's latest online shoe video, it's pretty hilarious. I think my favorite part is the horse.



On a scale of one to Gus Johnson, this video gets a Marv Albert. Read full post...

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Calling Shenanigans on China

> Last night, Chris Paul had 33 points, 11 assists, 10 rebounds, and 7 steals in the Hornets’ victory over the Mavs. That is a sick line. I know nobody pays attention to the NBA regular season, but CP3 is having another ridiculous year. He was First Team All-NBA last year, and was 2nd in the MVP race, behind Kobe. And he’s playing at the same level this season. I don’t think there’s any question that he’s the best point guard in the league. But, apparently being the best point guard in the league doesn’t get you a starting spot on the All Star team. Some might say this is because he plays in a small market, but I think that’s bullshit. I’m blaming China. Yes, the entire country of China.

As some of you may know, the Chinese apparently love basketball. Well, they at least love Yao Ming. He’s like a god over there. A very, very tall god. Because of the Chinese diefication of Yao, and the NBA’s practice of letting online fan voting determine the starting lineups in the All Star Game, Yao has been the starting center for the Western Conference every year since he entered in 2002. It was pretty ridiculous when he was voted in over Shaq back in the Shaq Diesel days, but it was palatable. Yao is a national hero in China, and he’s a good player (2nd team All-NBA twice), so whatever. He probably would have made the all-star team anyway.

But now, the Chinese love for Yao has spilled over onto one of his teammates, Tracy McGrady. As of last report, McGrady is leading Chris Paul for the second starting guard spot (behind Kobe) by about 160,000 votes. This is not acceptable. Don’t get me wrong, McGrady is a nice player, but he’s not having a good year. He probably shouldn’t even be in the All Star Game, much less a starter. How does a guy who’s missed almost a third of his team’s games, and who’s averaging only 15.4 ppg, 4.6 rpg, and 5.0 apg get voted an All Star? (by the way, Paul’s averages: 20.8, 5.3, 11.2)

Maybe there are other theories as to how this is happening, but I think McGrady is getting spillover votes from all the Chinese Yao voters. It makes sense that fans of Yao will naturally become fans of his team, the Rockets. So, if they don’t have any opinions on the other positions, maybe they just choose the other players off of Yao’s team. This phenomenon has led over a million people to vote for McGrady and his unimpressive stats. But, this goes even further than McGrady. Rafer Alston has 372,130 votes. How do you like that, Skip to my f’ing Lou has more votes than Brandon Roy! Ridiculous. Just as ridiculous is the fact that 6 Rockets are among the top vote-getters. The Lakers have the best record in the West, and they only have 4. Unless there are hoards of closet Rocket fans across the country, this can only be due to the Chinese.

But, it doesn’t really matter that Alston, or Shane Battier, or Luis Scola are on the list of top vote-getters, none of those guys are going to receive enough votes to be named a starter. And, I doubt any of them will be chosen by the head coaches to fill out any of the bench slots, either. But knowing that McGrady is going to be named a starter, meaning Chris Paul will have to take a spot on the bench that could go to another deserving player (like Brandon Roy)...Well that just annoys me to no end.

Let me just say that I love the fact that the NBA lets the fans decide who starts in the game. But, it might be time to adjust things just a bit. The coaches already get to vote on who the bench players will be in the All Star Game, which leaves the players as the only group that doesn’t have any input. Maybe the NBA can change the rules so that the starters are determined by a combination of 50% fan voting and 50% player voting. I would guess, for the most part, this modification wouldn’t change the voting results all that much. But, it might be just the trick needed to keep the Chinese from making a mockery of the voting process by virtue of their sheer numbers. We can't let this continue.

You hear me, China? I’m on to you. As soon as I get David Stern on board, you’re done.

On a scale of one to Gus Johnson, this would be about a Jeff Van Gundy.
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Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Worldwide Leader in Useless Information

> I was watching SportsCenter this morning, as I’ve been known to do on occasion, and I something that scrolled past on the Bottom Line caught my attention—“USC QB Mark Sanchez remains undecided on whether he will return to school next season.” Really? We’re reporting on things people haven’t even decided yet? What’s next, LeBron James undecided on whether he’ll watch a dvd or take a nap on the plane later? Edgerin James not sure yet what he’ll eat for breakfast this morning? Ridiculous.

Now, I know the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network has been reporting useless 'news' for years. I mean, they’ve been running woman’s basketball scores on the Bottom Line for as long as I can remember. But, this is different. This isn’t even news, because nothing has happened yet. I think the next time they...Wait a second...This just in, Brett Favre remains undecided on whether he will go fishing or stay in and play Boggle today. Be sure to tune into SportsCenter for more on this developing story.

On a scale of one to Gus Johnson, let's give this a Lesley Visser. Read full post...

Friday, January 9, 2009

Is it just me, or is Barry Switzer dead?

> Was anyone else unnerved by the digital insert of a lifeless Barry Switzer between Eddie George and Jimmy Johnson? That was just one of the many, many problems I had with the broadcast last night. It was an awful viewing experience, from the constant TV timeouts, the clock problems, the commercials from 2003 (even a lawyer ad? what?), the drab commentary, etc. And as bad as it was to watch, it must have been a nightmare to play. These 18-22 yr old kids were so jacked up for this game, and then we made them take 5 minute breaks every couple of plays. Through all of this, the teams still managed to give us a great game down to the final minutes. More on the game after the jump...

With neither team able to build a rhythm, as cliche as it sounds, the systems for both teams broke down and it came down to playmakers.

Tebow scored that second touchdown by himself, after looking more nervewracked than I'd ever seen him before in the first half. He just didn't look like himself out there, not because of the interceptions, but just his demeanor, the energy wasn't there until that second touchdown drive. Then, as a friend wrote to me, "mark, tebow having fun at 5:50 in the third."

Then Percy showed what an amazing talent he is. Oklahoma ties the game up at 14, and then Percy becomes Percy, the most electrifying player in college football. He scoots for 60 yards on two plays before you realize anything has happened. But then, as is always the case, the only thing that can slow him down is injuries, and he just finds ways to get hurt.

Finally, there were the playmakers on defense. Carlos Dunlap had his official coming out party. Major Wright set the tone with a few hits, one which I had to watch on slow motion multiple times (yes it was pass interference but only by a second, you never make that call). Brandon Spikes made some huge tackles, including a play where he took down the tackler AND the ball carrier (he also stayed in the refs faces regarding the constant holding on OUs part, no complaint, but is OU always that dirty?) And finally, Ahmad Black, the recruiting mistake, the guy too slow to ever play at Florida, won the national championship by literally stealing the football out of an out stretch Oklahoma players hands. That was your ball game.

Other random thoughts:
- Bradford is much better than I ever imagined. Doesn't get rattled at all, made some great plays.
- But OUs offense is far from the greatest of all time, we can now see that the Big 12 creates incredibly infalted numbers.
- It should be clear to everyone, that over the past 3 years, no conference has come close to the SEC. There are other elite teams, but there is only one elite conference (for now).

On the scale, this is a Mr. Two-Bits.
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Thursday, January 8, 2009

6 or More Questions With...Urban Meyer

> Interviews are like statistics, in that you can pretty much make them say whatever you want. In my capacity as a sports fan, and part-time correspondent for Scale of One to Gus Johnson, I sometimes have the privilege of interviewing people from the sports world. Sometimes I write down what was said at the interview, other times I write down what I think was said. Most of the time, I write down what I think they would have said if I’d actually interviewed them.

Anyway, allow me to present the first of what could be several interviews with sports related celebrities. The Scale sent me down to Miami to cover the BCS National Championship, and I had the pleasure to sit down with Urban Meyer, head coach of the Florida Gators.

Six or more random questions with: Coach Urban Meyer*

[*Editor’s Note: Coach Meyer had quite the potty mouth. We have replaced all swear words with more Johnny Dangerously style versions of the word.]

1. Coach Meyer, sorry to bother you during your manicure, but is it alright if I ask you a few questions?

CUM: Uh…sure, just make it snappy. We’re almost done here.

2. Great. Well, I guess I’d be crazy not to ask you about the game. How do you feel about the championship on Thursday?

CUM: I’m the coach the Florida fargin Gators, how do think I feel? Pretty fargin great. Might as well start engraving the fargin trophy with my fargin name on it. Ohio State doesn’t have a chance in hell against my boys. It’ll be a bloodbath.

3. Ohio…wait, you mean Oklahoma, right?

CUM: What’s that?

You mean Oklahoma? Your team’s playing the Oklahoma Sooners on Thursday.

CUM: You think I give a rats ass who we’re fargin playing on Thursday? You can take the corksuckers off of both of those teams and line them up against us…It’s not going to matter one fargin bit.

4. Ah, so I take it you’re a believer in SEC superiority?

CUM: Where you from, boy?

Well, I’m originally from…

CUM: Who gives a chit, icehole. The University of Florida IS the SEC, you understand? We invented Gatorade, for Cripes sake. Turn on the fargin TV sometime, you deucepad. Write that chit down, the University of Florida is the fargin SEC.

5. Um…okay. I’ll…so, is Percy Harvin going to be 100% for the game?

CUM: Who gives a chit about percentages…100%, 88%, that chit doesn’t fargin matter. All that matters is that my boys do what I tell them to do, and when they do, they fargin do it better than anyone else does it. You think Harvin is fast? You should try that kid’s Macaroni Casserole…my favorite. You think the Pouncey brothers can block…sheeeet, ain’t nothing compared to how good they are at mowing the lawn. Brandon James is a damn good punt returner, but you should see that kid mop a floor. You can eat off that chit. Tebow, everyone’s favorite fargin superhero, gives the best massages this side of the Bunny Ranch. These kids are the fargin best at every fraking thing they do.

Ha, it almost sounds like you give your players chores to do around your house.

CUM: What’s so funny about that? Coach Meyer don’t do fargin dishes. Urb Dog doesn’t clean toilets. Plus, these are the most talented kids in the country, what kind of coach would I be if I didn’t push them to be everything they could be? Not like they got anything else to fargin do after practice.

6. What about Academics?

CUM: What about what, now?

I was actually meaning to ask you this anyway…Coach, is it true that you recently told your players to ignore their academics so they could focus on the National Championship Game?

CUM: Fargin right.

Are you at all concerned at how that might look, given that these are student-athletes? Might be seen as ignoring the whole student part.

CUM: Are you fargin serious? That whole student-athlete thing is bullchit, and every corksucker in the NC 2 A fargin knows it. I’m just the only one with stones enough to admit it. Speaking of which, I have to go to the back to get a shave. You wanna come?

Um, no thanks. I think we can just end the interview now.

CUM: Your loss, deucepad. Coach Meyer out.

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BREAKING: Bradford Likely A Nevernude

> Several irreputable sources have confirmed that Oklahoma Sooner quarterback Sam Bradford is probably a nevernude. Suspicions were raised when multiple pairs of skin tight jorts were found in Bradford's Miami hotel room. Nevertheless, the issue was completely ignored by the press on media day. Just goes to show how the ESPN agenda dominates what you do and do not see and hear about. More on how this affects the game after the jump...

It doesn't. UF 45-OU 17. This is as much of a sure thing as Notre Dame being irrelevant for the next five years.

On the scale, this is Not-Respectable-Journalism.
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Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Might be time to revoke the Big Ten’s BCS membership

> Yes, I know the Big Ten is one of the “premier” conferences in college football. And they have experienced a great deal of success over the years. But, things change. Hell, at one time Army was one of the most dominant college football teams in the country. Times have changed, because that is pretty far from the truth at this point. Wait, I don’t want to be perceived as disrespecting the service academies or the Armed Forces, so let me edit that a bit. Hell, at one time Notre Dame was one of the most dominant college football teams in the country. Times have changed, because that is pretty far from the truth at this point. (much better)

Back in the day, the Big Ten used to fare pretty well in BCS bowl games. In the 90’s the Big Ten was undefeated in BCS bowl games. But, that was last decade. In BCS bowls played in this millennium, the Big Ten is a putrid 4-11, including going 0 for their last 6. And it’s not just the losing, it’s how they’re losing. In their last 6 BCS games, Big Ten teams have been outscored by their opponents 222 to 118. That’s pretty pathetic. By way of contrast, the SEC is 11-5 in BCS games, including a 4-0 record in championship games (pending Thursday’s game—-see Not-Turner-Gill’s guarantee).

I say it’s time to put the Big Ten on probation. They should have to relinquish their automatic bid until they prove themselves to be a power conference again. In the meantime, maybe we should give their bid to the Mountain West Conference, who is undefeated in BCS games. Anyway, in a few years, once the Big Ten is back on top, we can talk about getting them an automatic bid again. Although, at that point, we’ll probably have to take it from the ACC. They’re pretty terrible, too.

Now, this probably won’t be a popular move. Especially with fans of USC and the SEC schools, who are used to having a Big Ten team to beat up on in their BCS bowl games. But, we can’t be selfish at a time like this. These are proud fan bases we’re talking about, and it isn’t right to subject them to seeing their team get demolished in a BCS game year after year. We’re better than that. But, I guess more importantly, we’re better than them.

On a scale of one to Gus Johnson, I give this a Thom Brennaman.
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Things I Just Don't Get

> There are some things I just don’t understand. I’ll put it right out there. I don’t understand the way General Managers operate and I don’t understand the way Major League Baseball punishes players.

I’m a Philadelphia sports fan. I root for all four of the teams from the City of Brotherly Love. I don’t intend to whine about how my team just won a championship. First of all, counting the 2008 Phillies, the professional sports teams I root for have won two championships in my lifetime. The other came when I was just short of two years old. Second, I don’t demand or expect my favorite team to win every single year. I’m not a Yankees fan after all. I would, however, like my teams to make intelligent front office decisions and I would like them to be competitive, because, well, I like watching baseball in September and I didn’t get to do it for the vast majority of my childhood.

In the past two days, two things involving the Phillies have struck me.

First, the Tampa Bay Rays signed former Phillie Pat Burrell to a two-year, $8 million per year deal. On October 31, the Phillies offered the 32-year-old Burrell two years, $22 million. Burrell declined. On December 12, the Phillies signed 37-year-old Raul Ibanez to a three-year, $30 million deal. On January 5, Burrell agreed to his current deal with the Rays. Quite simply, this makes my head hurt. I get it. The economy’s bad. There are a ton of outfielders on the market. In October, Burrell thought he could get more than he could in reality. Does Phillies GM Ruben Amaro, Jr. not get this? How is that possible? Instead, he leaves his lineup completely devoid of a right-handed power bat, in order to replace Burrell with a 37-year-old with a lefty with a better average, worse power numbers, and a similarly crappy glove who is making 20 percent more with an additional year on the contract. Um … really? Meanwhile, there are still a ton of outfielders on the market. So why the rush to sign Ibanez, Ruben? Pat Gillick is gone and presumably with him is the proclivity to sign anyone from Seattle. Wouldn’t it have been worth the wait instead of signing Ibanez for twice his worth? Who knows, maybe this will work out. Maybe Burrell just really wanted to DH. Maybe that was worth $3 million a year to him. Still, I don’t get it.

Second, as you’ve probably heard, Major League Baseball has suspended J.C. Romero 50 games next season for taking a performance enhancing drug, even though he checked with three sources, two nutritionists and the MLBPA, before taking it to ensure it wasn’t banned. The MLB actually isn’t claiming that Romero intentionally did this, instead finding him guilty of “negligence.” A lot of this bothers me. First of all, it will actually keep players from checking on drugs they are about to take if they can’t rely on the opinions of the people with whom they check. In addition, 50 games? Seriously? This is absurd. Why would MLB punish someone who acts negligently (even though, he clearly didn’t) to the same extent that they would punish someone who acted with the requisite intent? Maybe law school is just warping my worldview, but this befuddles me.

On a scale of one to Gus Johnson, I’d give this post a Mitch Williams.
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Blanket Guarantee

> I guarantee that the University of Florida will win it's third national championship on Thursday. Oklahoma only has a chance in the way that its possible to be struck by lightening or to spontaneously combust. In fact, something similar would have to happen in order for Oklahoma to win. The Gators are just that much better. I don't need any objective rationale for this. In the world of Not-Turner-Gill, everything is black and white, things just are or aren't. With that in mind, here are the keys to the game for both teams:

For Oklahoma to win, these three things must happen: 1) Tebow must spontaneously combust. Don't misunderstand me, this is a MUST. 2) Spikes and Harvin declare for the NFL midway through the first quarter, and they proceed to pour champagne on everyone. You need both elements. 3) Finally, Mullen will have to call potential recruits of Mississippi State University during the game, tell them the plays before he calls them, and then proceed to pour champagne on everyone in the booth.

For Florida to win: Prevent any of these things from happening.

If this scenario plays out, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. I will gladly let you shower me with insults. I love champagne. But the odds are slightly in my favor. I will be back to gloat on Friday.

On the scale, this is an Andy Rooney. Read full post...

Monday, January 5, 2009

Looks like the BCS did what it was designed to do…screw Utah

> After Utah completed its undefeated season by beating up on Alabama in the Sugar Bowl, I started to wonder why they wouldn’t get some consideration as national champions. Sure, they can’t win the BCS National Championship, but maybe they can get one of those USC-styled paper championships. I mean, if you think about it, Utah had a pretty impressive season.

I know they’re in a non-BCS conference, and play the likes of Utah State and Wyoming. But, they beat Alabama, who was ranked #1 for five straight weeks at the end of the year, and was a few minutes away from playing for a national championship. Utah also beat TCU, which will likely finish the season ranked in the top 10. They also beat BYU, who will likely end up a top-25 team. Another top-25 team defeated by Utah this season is Oregon State, who some of you may remember as the team who beat USC earlier in the year. Utah’s resume may not be stacked, but it’s not entirely thin either.

Actually, Utah’s resume is more impressive than Florida’s, in terms of top-25 teams played. Florida beat only one top-25 team in Georgia (although this will likely end up as 2 if Florida State jumps back in the poll), and lost to the other top-25 team it faced in Ole Miss. I’d like to argue that beating LSU, the most talented 8-5 team in the country, is reason to rank Florida ahead of Utah, but that’s for another day. Just based on top-25 teams defeated, Utah beats Florida 4-2. I still don’t think Utah would beat Florida, but on paper, you could make the argument that they’re more deserving of a national championship. Although I guess if Florida ends up beating Oklahoma, that would make their resume as impressive as Utah’s in terms of teams beaten, if not more so. But, you still can’t get past that whole “only team to go undefeated” thing.

Anyway, this whole thing got me curious about the 1984 season, when BYU won the national championship. They’re the last team from a “mid-major” conference to do so. Just like Utah this year, BYU finished the ’84 season as the only undefeated team. There were a bunch of 1-loss teams that year, including Washington and Nebraska, but somehow BYU was voted #1 in all the major polls. I wasn’t really following college football back then, but apparently it was a pretty controversial thing at the time. This might have something to do with the fact that not one team on BYU’s schedule finished the year in the top 25, and they beat an average 6-5 Michigan team in the Holiday Bowl. Not really all that impressive.

The thing that I found kind of funny was that the articles I read on wikipedia seemed to suggest that it was BYU’s national championship that led the 6 power conferences to form the Bowl Coalition, the predecessor to the BCS, back in 1992. I’m not sure the math works, as that would mean it would have taken 8 years to get it started, but I guess it is certainly plausible. Can’t say that the BCS conferences are all that crazy about change, so maybe it would take that long to get off the ground. Let’s just assume that this was the catalyst for the creation of what is now the BCS. Well, I’d say it’s doing exactly what it was supposed to do…screw over the mid-majors like Utah.

As I stated earlier, Utah’s resume is pretty impressive, maybe impressive enough to get them into the championship game. The problem though, is that we really didn’t know how talented they were until they beat Alabama in the Sugar Bowl. Until then, they were just a cute story. The team from the crappy conference who managed to beat all the other teams from their crappy conference. We all thought that was great for them, then laughed at the thought of them playing Bama in the Sugar Bowl. (okay, I was mainly laughing about all the Utah fans in the French Quarter, but anyway). All of a sudden they beat Bama, and it’s like, “whoa! Wait a tick, these guys can play. Oh well, too bad the season’s over.”

It’s a shame, because Utah couldn’t have done much more to bolster their resume. They won every game on their schedule, beat 4 top-25 teams, including a team ranked #1 for a third of the season. Not much more they could have done. Well, this year at least. I guess for a school like Utah to get more respect in future BCS polls, they’ll have to start scheduling the perennial powers like Ohio State, USC, and LSU. They need to go for broke every year with their scheduling if they hope to finish at the top of the BCS standings. Because, beating up on the Mountain West and the WAC just won’t get it done.

Maybe this is the kind of thing that will finally get people talking seriously about a playoff. But, I doubt it. If keeping schools like Utah out of the championship picture was the goal of the BCS, I can’t see the powers-that-be changing things for them. For what it’s worth, I certainly haven’t changed my position. As much as I’d love to see what Utah could do in a playoff, I still prefer the current system. Doesn’t really matter though, because I really don’t see things changing any time soon. I guess Utah will have to remain just a cute story.

On a scale of one to Gus Johnson, this gets a Howie Long.
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