Rules of Gym Etiquette - Part 2

Yesterday, I posted the first 5 Rules of Gym Etiquette. Well, I have a few more to add...

Gym Etiquette Rule No. 6: Wipe up your sweat. This one seems obvious, yet it’s amazing how many people don’t do this. I think it’s a pretty well accepted thing that just about every inch of every piece of gym equipment will have been sweated on at some point. But, because we can’t see it, there’s an illusion that it’s not really there. Out of sight out of mind kind of thing. The problem is when some sweaty monster leaves a giant pool on one of the machines or benches. Wipe that shit up, people. Use your shirt if you don’t have anything else. Don’t be an illusion killer. That doesn’t look too good on a resume.

Gym Etiquette Rule No. 7: Don’t stick your ass in someone’s face. This rule probably should have been higher on this list. Oh well, these aren’t exactly in order of importance. Anyway, this rule applies on the gym floor, too, but it’s most important in the locker room. When you’re naked and bent over drying your legs, or whatever it is you like to bend over for, be mindful of where you’re pointing your ass. There’s seriously nothing worse than sitting down to tie your shoes, then looking up to stare directly into someone’s David Spade. I think maybe this would be a good point to cover a few rules dealing specifically with the gym locker room.

Gym Etiquette Rule No. 8: No unnecessary nakedness. Look, I’m sure every individual person has their own level of nakedness that they’re comfortable with. This isn’t really about that. People are naked in locker rooms, it’s the nature of the beast. But, the naked should have a purpose to it. If you’re standing at your locker drying off, or about to get dressed, that’s totally acceptable. If you’re walking to the shower, maybe you use a towel, maybe you don’t. Whatever. But, we don’t hang out (no pun intended) watching the television buck naked. We don’t engage strangers in conversation when we’re naked. If we’re standing by the sink shaving, it’s probably safer for everyone if we just go ahead and wrap a towel around ourselves. If we’re leaning against the wall scrolling through our blackberry…actually, new rule.

Gym Etiquette Rule No. 9: No unnecessary cell phone/blackberry use in the locker room. Given that pretty much every cell phone has pretty decent camera on it nowadays, it’s probably not the best thing to be waving that thing around (the camera, people) when people are taking their clothes off all around you. And to the guy I saw the other day leaning against the wall in his birthday suit, smiling as he scrolled through his pda, you could probably stand outside a playground wearing nothing but a trench coat holding a handful of candy and you wouldn’t be as creepy.

Gym Etiquette Rule No. 10: Don’t sit your bare ass down on the benches. People put their stuff on those benches when they’re getting dressed, they don’t need to be picking up your ass sweat with their iPod headphones. If you’re the type that likes to sit down when you dry your feet, or whatever, put down a towel first. Or a shirt, or some shorts, it doesn’t matter. Just create some sort of layer between your ass and the bench. Oh, and those leather chairs over by the television…well, let’s all just consider that a dingleberry free zone from now on. Thanks.

On a scale of one to Gus Johnson, I give this a Brian Baldinger.