Michael Phelps is a douche…and other thoughts

> I don’t think I’m alone in thinking that watching Michael Phelps dominate the Olympics last year was one of the most amazing things I have seen in sports. I enjoyed every minute of his historic run. It’s inspiring to see someone so dedicated to their craft, especially a fellow American, succeed the way he did. I guess it’s too bad he’s a weak-minded fool who can’t seem to handle the fame and exposure that comes with being a star like he is.

Watching his slow and steady fall from grace has made me appreciate a guy like LeBron James. LeBron’s been under a microscope since he was a sophomore in high school. Even back then, I remember being impressed with how poised he seemed when giving interviews. The kid always seemed to say the exact right thing. At the time, it was hard not to think that it was only a matter of time before the guy let all the fame get to his head, and he went out and did something stupid. But, other than the thing where his mom made news for taking out a loan to buy him a Hummer, LeBron’s pretty much stayed controversy free. (We won’t get into the whole “crab dribble” thing).

Okay, maybe LeBron isn’t the best comparison for Phelps. First off, basketball and swimming aren’t necessarily analogous sports. But, more importantly, LeBron seems like the type of guy who has never had a problem with…how should I say this…being a complete dork. Something tells me LeBron’s never lacked for confidence, even as a youngin. But, Phelps? Please. With those big ears and the weird way he talks, it’s not hard to imagine him being a bit of a social outcast as a kid. We were inundated with stories during the Olympics about how his mom used to worry about him, because other kids were constantly picking on him. The moral of those stories was supposed to be the whole, “yeah, but look at him now” sort of thing. But, I guess the real moral should have been that this dude has never, ever been the coolest guy in the room. He was a dork, plain and simple.

So, maybe Tiger Woods is a better example. Yeah, Tiger’s been dominating golf for over a decade, and he’s probably one of the most recognizable people on the planet. So, people may forget that he used to be kind of a nerd. The kid went to Stanford, for crying out loud. Any non-nerds from Stanford? Not likely. Anyway, the point is that when Tiger was first coming up in golf, he was forced to go through the transition from huge dork to huge dork everyone in the room wanted to talk to. I remember hearing stories about Tiger partying with Fred Savage and Chelsea Clinton while he was in college. But, nothing salacious ever came out of that. And he’s been pretty controversy free since he turned pro. He’s handled his transition to uber-stardom with about as much class as possible. Too bad Phelps couldn’t have done the same.

I guess what I’m saying is that I don’t think people appreciate guys like LeBron and Tiger for just not being total douches. I suppose an argument could be made that because LeBron and Tiger are black, they have to keep their image squeaky clean, whereas Phelps will be given much more slack as the “all-American” white kid. I don’t really feel like getting into that though. I’d rather just appreciate LeBron James and Tiger Woods for being the best at what they do, and not being assholes about it.

While we’re on the subject of people not getting the appreciation they deserve, anyone see what happened to the Hornets last night once Chris Paul got hurt? He left the game with like 2:50 left in the 3rd Quarter (and already had 13 assists), and the Hornets were outscored 42-17 the rest of the game. They ended up blowing a 17 point lead. Yeah, LeBron’s great, and so is Kobe, but I don’t know how there can be an argument about which player is more valuable to their team than Chris Paul. This guy IS the Hornets. I hope he’s not hurt for long.

And, speaking of Kobe, I got an interesting email from my brother this morning, I thought I’d share:

“Can you please blog about the fact that everybody has forgotten that Kobe is an analrapist? I mean, 4 years after OJ was acquitted of murder he wasn't doing Hertz commercials and reprising Detective Nordberg in Naked Gun 187 and 7/8! Kobe's defense wasn't that he didn't do her in the dirtstar, it was that he didn't forcibly do her up the browneye (couldn't decide which reference I liked better). But I guess you get a free pass by jumping over fake Aston Martins, hilariously riding horses in commercials, and lighting up a run-and-gun Knicks team. (Even though Gasol arguably had the better complete game with 34,14,5). Anyway, I guess we're just too far removed from The Black Mamba shamelessly buying his wife back for $4M and starting the chain of events that led to Shaq's divorce (don't you think she heard the media reports of Kobe's claims of Shaq's infidelity and started hiding money?)

So due to my anger on the subject, on a scale of 1 to Gus Johnson, I'd rate this a Stephen A. Smith.”
Read full post...

Home Cooking

> Does anyone else find it mildly strange that more and more networks are using hometown players to call games? Today alone I've heard Greg Kelser on Michigan State, Kendall Gill on Illinois, and Mike Gminski on Duke. Um ... I know that objective journalism and sports journalism don't exactly go hand in hand, but is it really a great idea to have the team's former stars calling their nationally-televised games?On a scale of one to Gus Johnson, I'd give this post a Bill Walton. Read full post...

Happy About Things In Happy Valley?

> I’m in a bit of a conundrum that probably happens to most sports fans. I want my team to fire its coach, but suddenly they’ve started winning. Now, I don’t know whether to root for my team and suck it up and deal with a crappy coach or be disappointed that my team is winning. Since I’m an Eagles fan, one might assume I’m whining about Andy Reid, but the Eagles just made the NFC Championship and I’m well aware that no one wants to hear a fan complain about a team that’s been in the conference title game five of the past eight years. Instead, I intend to whine about Penn State basketball. That’s right. Penn State actually has a basketball program. Who knew?
Penn State made the NCAA tournament twice under former coach (and current John Belein lackey) Jerry Dunn, during his first season in 1996 and again in 2001. In 2001, my alma mater (during my freshman year) improbably beat UNC in the second round of the NCAA tournament and advanced to the Sweet Sixteen where they promptly got spanked by the 11th seeded Temple Owls. Rioting ensued. No, seriously. There were riots. I was there.
In his 8 years at Penn State, Dunn went 117-121, which is … not so good. Dunn was deservedly fired after consecutive 7-21 seasons. Then Penn State did something inconceivable. They hired Ed DeChellis.
In 8 years, Dunn had only three losing seasons, making the NIT three times. His teams also routinely had players that edged onto the All-Big Ten team, such as Dan Earl, Jarrett Stephens, Calvin Booth, and John (I will not make a joke here) Amaechi. Remarkably since Dunn got canned, I’ve missed this era.
Many high profile coaches expressed interest in the Penn State job, among them Tim Floyd, Steve Lavin, and Steve Wojociechowski. Instead, Penn State hired DeChellis, a man who in seven seasons guided East Tennessee State to one NCAA tournament appearance and a 105-93 record. Woohoo! DeChellis!
Instead of upgrading their coaching staff, Penn State went safe. They hired a sub-mediocre coach from a nothing program who had middling-at-best success. DeChellis, though, is an alum. No matter how good (or bad or mediocre or whatever) Penn State gets under him, DeChellis will never leave. Coaching in Happy Valley is Ed DeChellis’ dream job. Ugh.
We are now in year six of the grand DeChellis experiment. Going into this year, it had worked out pretty much exactly as I had predicted. Through five years, Penn State was 56-91 under DeChellis. Twice they had won 15 games, with DeChellis’ high water mark being a 15-15 record in 2006, which ended with a first-round NIT loss to Rutgers.
So I was kind of optimistic going into this season. Did I think this was the year Big Ed would turn it all around? Hell no. I thought finally we’d toss this numbskull aside and attempt to return to the relative glory of the mediocre Dunn years. Instead, it’s late January and Penn State is 15-5 overall and currently tied for fourth in the Big Ten with a winning conference record. Holy crap.
If Penn State beats Iowa at home tonight, they will have set a single season win record under DeChellis and it’s January 24. According to stats guru Ken Pomeroy, Penn State is going to go 19-12 and 8-10 in the Big Ten this season. Since we aren’t Duke or UCLA, this is actually cause for joy. 19-12???? We might play in the postseason! We might actually win a Big Ten tournament game!
So now here I sit, killing time until the Penn State game starts (hooray for the Big Ten Network, home of none other than Gus Johnson), and it’s slowly dawning on me that Ed DeChellis is not going to get fired this year. Should I be excited? Is Eddie turning this program around? Should I be depressed? Is this only going to lead to the inevitable eight-win season next year?
I have no idea how to feel about this. I love my alma mater and I’m excited every time they win, but I just can’t shake the feeling that in a year or two I’m going to regret that this season ever happened.
On a scale of one to Gus Johnson, I’d give this post a Dave Revsine.
Read full post...

New Kobe Commercial

> It's kind of funny the path Kobe Bryant's career has taken. He started out as one of the great players in the NBA, but nobody liked him. Then the whole alleged rape/cheated on his wife/bought wife $8 billion ring thing happened, and he was a great player everyone hated. He did the smart thing and laid low for a while. But, over the last couple of years, he's made a public image resurgence. He wins himself a gold medal and jumps over an Aston Martin on youtube, and suddenly even self-professed Laker haters like me think he's alright. Anyway, in case you haven't seen Kobe's latest online shoe video, it's pretty hilarious. I think my favorite part is the horse.



On a scale of one to Gus Johnson, this video gets a Marv Albert. Read full post...

Calling Shenanigans on China

> Last night, Chris Paul had 33 points, 11 assists, 10 rebounds, and 7 steals in the Hornets’ victory over the Mavs. That is a sick line. I know nobody pays attention to the NBA regular season, but CP3 is having another ridiculous year. He was First Team All-NBA last year, and was 2nd in the MVP race, behind Kobe. And he’s playing at the same level this season. I don’t think there’s any question that he’s the best point guard in the league. But, apparently being the best point guard in the league doesn’t get you a starting spot on the All Star team. Some might say this is because he plays in a small market, but I think that’s bullshit. I’m blaming China. Yes, the entire country of China.

As some of you may know, the Chinese apparently love basketball. Well, they at least love Yao Ming. He’s like a god over there. A very, very tall god. Because of the Chinese diefication of Yao, and the NBA’s practice of letting online fan voting determine the starting lineups in the All Star Game, Yao has been the starting center for the Western Conference every year since he entered in 2002. It was pretty ridiculous when he was voted in over Shaq back in the Shaq Diesel days, but it was palatable. Yao is a national hero in China, and he’s a good player (2nd team All-NBA twice), so whatever. He probably would have made the all-star team anyway.

But now, the Chinese love for Yao has spilled over onto one of his teammates, Tracy McGrady. As of last report, McGrady is leading Chris Paul for the second starting guard spot (behind Kobe) by about 160,000 votes. This is not acceptable. Don’t get me wrong, McGrady is a nice player, but he’s not having a good year. He probably shouldn’t even be in the All Star Game, much less a starter. How does a guy who’s missed almost a third of his team’s games, and who’s averaging only 15.4 ppg, 4.6 rpg, and 5.0 apg get voted an All Star? (by the way, Paul’s averages: 20.8, 5.3, 11.2)

Maybe there are other theories as to how this is happening, but I think McGrady is getting spillover votes from all the Chinese Yao voters. It makes sense that fans of Yao will naturally become fans of his team, the Rockets. So, if they don’t have any opinions on the other positions, maybe they just choose the other players off of Yao’s team. This phenomenon has led over a million people to vote for McGrady and his unimpressive stats. But, this goes even further than McGrady. Rafer Alston has 372,130 votes. How do you like that, Skip to my f’ing Lou has more votes than Brandon Roy! Ridiculous. Just as ridiculous is the fact that 6 Rockets are among the top vote-getters. The Lakers have the best record in the West, and they only have 4. Unless there are hoards of closet Rocket fans across the country, this can only be due to the Chinese.

But, it doesn’t really matter that Alston, or Shane Battier, or Luis Scola are on the list of top vote-getters, none of those guys are going to receive enough votes to be named a starter. And, I doubt any of them will be chosen by the head coaches to fill out any of the bench slots, either. But knowing that McGrady is going to be named a starter, meaning Chris Paul will have to take a spot on the bench that could go to another deserving player (like Brandon Roy)...Well that just annoys me to no end.

Let me just say that I love the fact that the NBA lets the fans decide who starts in the game. But, it might be time to adjust things just a bit. The coaches already get to vote on who the bench players will be in the All Star Game, which leaves the players as the only group that doesn’t have any input. Maybe the NBA can change the rules so that the starters are determined by a combination of 50% fan voting and 50% player voting. I would guess, for the most part, this modification wouldn’t change the voting results all that much. But, it might be just the trick needed to keep the Chinese from making a mockery of the voting process by virtue of their sheer numbers. We can't let this continue.

You hear me, China? I’m on to you. As soon as I get David Stern on board, you’re done.

On a scale of one to Gus Johnson, this would be about a Jeff Van Gundy.
Read full post...

Worldwide Leader in Useless Information

> I was watching SportsCenter this morning, as I’ve been known to do on occasion, and I something that scrolled past on the Bottom Line caught my attention—“USC QB Mark Sanchez remains undecided on whether he will return to school next season.” Really? We’re reporting on things people haven’t even decided yet? What’s next, LeBron James undecided on whether he’ll watch a dvd or take a nap on the plane later? Edgerin James not sure yet what he’ll eat for breakfast this morning? Ridiculous.

Now, I know the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network has been reporting useless 'news' for years. I mean, they’ve been running woman’s basketball scores on the Bottom Line for as long as I can remember. But, this is different. This isn’t even news, because nothing has happened yet. I think the next time they...Wait a second...This just in, Brett Favre remains undecided on whether he will go fishing or stay in and play Boggle today. Be sure to tune into SportsCenter for more on this developing story.

On a scale of one to Gus Johnson, let's give this a Lesley Visser. Read full post...

Is it just me, or is Barry Switzer dead?

> Was anyone else unnerved by the digital insert of a lifeless Barry Switzer between Eddie George and Jimmy Johnson? That was just one of the many, many problems I had with the broadcast last night. It was an awful viewing experience, from the constant TV timeouts, the clock problems, the commercials from 2003 (even a lawyer ad? what?), the drab commentary, etc. And as bad as it was to watch, it must have been a nightmare to play. These 18-22 yr old kids were so jacked up for this game, and then we made them take 5 minute breaks every couple of plays. Through all of this, the teams still managed to give us a great game down to the final minutes. More on the game after the jump...

With neither team able to build a rhythm, as cliche as it sounds, the systems for both teams broke down and it came down to playmakers.

Tebow scored that second touchdown by himself, after looking more nervewracked than I'd ever seen him before in the first half. He just didn't look like himself out there, not because of the interceptions, but just his demeanor, the energy wasn't there until that second touchdown drive. Then, as a friend wrote to me, "mark, tebow having fun at 5:50 in the third."

Then Percy showed what an amazing talent he is. Oklahoma ties the game up at 14, and then Percy becomes Percy, the most electrifying player in college football. He scoots for 60 yards on two plays before you realize anything has happened. But then, as is always the case, the only thing that can slow him down is injuries, and he just finds ways to get hurt.

Finally, there were the playmakers on defense. Carlos Dunlap had his official coming out party. Major Wright set the tone with a few hits, one which I had to watch on slow motion multiple times (yes it was pass interference but only by a second, you never make that call). Brandon Spikes made some huge tackles, including a play where he took down the tackler AND the ball carrier (he also stayed in the refs faces regarding the constant holding on OUs part, no complaint, but is OU always that dirty?) And finally, Ahmad Black, the recruiting mistake, the guy too slow to ever play at Florida, won the national championship by literally stealing the football out of an out stretch Oklahoma players hands. That was your ball game.

Other random thoughts:
- Bradford is much better than I ever imagined. Doesn't get rattled at all, made some great plays.
- But OUs offense is far from the greatest of all time, we can now see that the Big 12 creates incredibly infalted numbers.
- It should be clear to everyone, that over the past 3 years, no conference has come close to the SEC. There are other elite teams, but there is only one elite conference (for now).

On the scale, this is a Mr. Two-Bits. Read full post...